Running hot has always been my problem. It’s what landed me in anger management classes - and has me hot for my coach, Brad.
I don’t need anyone to tell me why its a bad idea. Hard to hear I need to stop listening to my instincts in a fight while giving the green light to instincts that have me manhandling him behind closed doors. Conflict of interest or whatever.
I have to choose. I can have coach, or I can have a cooler head that doesn’t land me in trouble every other week.
I don’t actually want to be this angry all the time. Like my alcoholic ass of a dad. He made my life miserable. I hate being anything like him. I just never figured out how…not to be.
I’ve heard all the speeches. Take a deep breath. Count to ten. Put yourself in their shoes.
None of it ever seemed to stick.
When he says it, I listen. He’s the first person to have a shot at giving me that break through I’ve always craved. And I love him for it.
But this time even I can see the consequences of breaking the rules. If I could just keep it professional, he could help me be the person I’ve always wanted to be.
It just means giving up the person I want to be with. And I don’t think I’m that strong.
I don’t think I want to be.
I’m supposed to be the responsible one. To know better. But every time I try to say the words to put an end to this, he just gives me this look.
Hungry. Heated. Consuming.
And I forget all about what a bad idea it is. All about everything but his lips on mine, his hands around my waist.
I hate being this weak. Feeling like my life is an endless series of rolling over and giving way. And it’s not even that people overstep with me.
They don’t have to. I’m all too ready to just give in.
It’s why I can’t tell Preston we have to stop this. Why I can’t convince myself I don’t want this. Why I can’t even tell my mother I’m gay.
I’m supposed to be teaching him not to fight.
But I’m starting to think maybe he has the right idea.
Maybe he should be teaching me instead….
This 50,000 word standalone comes with a scorched earth policy - these two have a passion that leaves nothing left standing, so do yourself